to pom's immortal beloved

I had started to believe that maybe those were your tears of a final goodbye.... the final goodbye I had been dreading.... maybe it came and I didn't even realize it.... maybe you were bowing out and running away.... but soothing my pain with words of hope.... at least I got to see you one last time, as how I remembered you.... but then again, maybe that's not the last memory of you I'll have to cling to after all....

still, some of my demons are fighting me to come out.... remnants of them linger despite my many attempts at exorcism.... the one called doubt erodes my faith.... faith in you.... faith in myself.... faith in us.... faith in a loving Hand.... faith that what is best for all involved will come to pass.... the demon called fear taunts me with my every attempt at courage.... the one called grudge whispers the stories of past errors in my ear.... reminding me that I may have become that which I hated most.... the demon called self-loathing tells me that I was, and will probably always just be second for you....

"please pray" you told me.... I must cling to my better angels now.... before they abandon me again.... they remind me that although I was only number two, you will always be my number one.... they show me the love you inspire in me.... a love that persists despite the years that pass, despite the anger and pain, despite the doubts and fears.... a love that inspires in me the Spirit of forgiveness which can come only from Above.... a love that looks on tempests and is never shaken.... a love that bears it out even to the edge of doom....

it is a love however, whose power gives me the strength to watch you walk away.... away from me and towards your own life of bliss.... it tells me not to cage that which should not be caged.... to find satisfaction in watching you fly in your own green meadow rather than in the enclosure of my making.... it shows me happiness in your happiness, and not mine.... this is how I will always love you....

ever thine,
pomdla

TECHNORATI TAGS: moonlight sonata
POSTED IN: POUR TOI