Sunday, December 17, 2006

Gaudete Sunday

I just thought that I would share this: I went to mass by myself tonight.... I decided to attend the youth service because I'm always amazed and inspired by the enthusiasm of the young people at my church. They infuse a millennia's old tradition with modern Christian rock, and it adds a different kind of depth that speaks to someone of my generation. From the mouths of babes came the words of a song that spoke to me tonight, I'd like to share it in case anyone needs to hear it as I needed to hear it:

Who am I?
That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I?
That the bright and morning star,
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wandering heart.

Not because of who I am,
But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who you are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.
I am yours.
I am yours.

Whom shall I fear?
Whom shall I fear?
'Cause I am yours.
I am yours.
(Mark Hall of Casting Crowns)
Click here to listen

It's a song I've heard before, but tonight it cut through me like a punch in the stomach. I could feel the overwhelming sensation of my insides being yanked back to a place from which I did not realize I had wandered. A place of peace and indescribable joy, and I heard that voice which I have heard so many times before telling me to be still because it is a place of safety.

It's the third week of Advent, gaudete is Latin for rejoice. We light the pink candle as a sign of joyful excitement that Christ's mass is drawing ever nearer. I've felt that joy tonight and if I can share it with just one other person, this post will not be in vain.....




14 comments:

ghee said...

What a writer you are,Angelo...I could almost feel the peacefulness and the indescribable feeling you wanted to relay.That`s the real spirit of Christmas,I may say.

I can relate well...It happens and happened a lot to me that i really did cry inside the church..sob silently..mixed feelings and the longing for my family in Manila...

I got used to it,though...

Once in a while,it is necessary to feed our soul...thanx for reminding me,Angelo..I need to attend the mass,too..

Take care and enjoy the season. :)

Angelo said...

Ghee! so happy you could relate... it reminds me that when we feel alone, we really aren't, someone is experiencing the same thing. I'm sure your family misses you equally, but you'll see them again when vacation comes along right?! I wish you a very blessed Christmas :) Take care...

sasha said...

I read this somewhere...

Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a face-lift.

I've cried countless of times inside the church. Those empty pews and antique statues bore witness to my anguish. And blessedly, after hours of sitting there, enjoying the quiet of the place, I come out refreshed, calm and at peace with everything.

I talk to Him when I feel like it, wherever I am. But the best place to talk to Him is still inside the church. It's like going to a coffee shop to chill with a friend, right? :)

And that song you wrote, I heard that one already. I especially love this part...

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord, you catch me when I'm falling,
And you've told me who I am.
I am yours.
I am yours.


Thank you for sharing this one, Angelo!

God bless!

ghee said...

yeah,you`re right Angelo...

im gonna spend new year(again)in the Phil.How did you know? :)

I wish you a very blessed Christmas,too :)

Teecee!

Angelo said...

Sasha: I'm so happy that I could share this with two people now, first Ghee and now you...and I'm glad you can relate as well... You are totally right, and I know exactly what you mean! I have to admit though that I had a bit of a break down myself.... unfortunately for me, the church was not so empty, it is quite embarassing for a grown man to not be in control of his emotions in front of others.... but like I said, it felt like a punch in the stomach, and I couldn't help it.... I hope nobody noticed....I guess there's a few issues I've been dealing with lately, but like you, I came out strengthened....

Ghee and Sasha:the strange thing is that as I posted this entry, I got a call from my cousin in the Philippines asking my advice whether they should rush my uncle to the hospital, he had been sick for some time now. I said yes, but he didn't want to go anymore, a few hours later, he passed away... I know it was the best decision, so his suffering could end, but I just felt so powerless to help... I remember caring for him when I was there and he developed a bladder infection, I would flush out and change is catheter every so often before he finally agreed to have surgery.... he was healthy after that and then this.... I've had many people die in front of me, or die despite my efforts to rescuitate them, but when it's a loved one, the question of what more I could've done, is followed by more than the usual number of question marks.... It also reminded me of how short life is despite our efforts, and it made me think again about the mortality of the people (and cat) around me.... but like another song goes "I will praise you in this storm".... Thank you both for sharing as well.... sorry I went on and on, but I'm having insomnia. I can't sleep, and I can't even channel my energies to studying.... so I blog

sasha said...

I know what you're feeling right now, Angelo. I saw my brother and my mom draw their last breath. When my brother was confined 8 years ago due to leukemia, I saw a number of cancer patients die in a matter of weeks. I even saw one doing the crossword puzzle one morning and die the following afternoon. It's just so sad and if my faith was not strong, I'd probably be an atheist now. More so with you kasi medicine pa field mo.

But the Lord has His plans. And we're just mere instruments in His plan of salvation.

I don't want to say condolence because it is an empty word.

God bless! May your uncle rest in peace.

Gina said...

Hi Angelo! Bloghopping here & I listened to that lovely song. It is in finding unexpected gems like this that makes bloghopping so worthwhile.Thanks for sharing .

Angelo said...

Ghee: You're so lucky!! take me with you hehe :)

Angelo de los Angeles said...

Sasha: I'm so sorry to hear about your mom and your brother.... it's especially difficult when they are taken so young....but you're right it's part of a plan.... I'm glad to know you are a person of faith! They are all in a far better place... God bless Sasha!

Angelo de los Angeles said...

Gina: Thank you for hopping by, I'm glad I could share this with a third person :)

tina said...

No matter how people choosed to be stubborn.. doing things.. that might bring out consequences.. God would never forsake each and every one of us. :)

We are one with Him -_-

Happy Holidays!

Angelo de los Angeles said...

Tina: Amen to that :) Happy Holidays to you too!

haze said...

Even we are blessed with material things there's always something lacking deep within us. Trying to search what it is? Reality, HE never left and will never be!

Now that my life is in France I am very grateful and the rest of the Filipino community to have our own Filipino Priest who facilates the mass every Sundays and that's something important for us. To be a part of a religious org helps me to grow spiritually.

Angelo de los Angeles said...

Haze: You are very right :) I'm glad you have found a community of faith that speaks to your soul all the way over in France. Joyeux Noel!