Wednesday, December 30, 2009

even though i know you're leaving

this is killing me inside.... I'm enjoying the "conversating" way too much, but I don't know if it's doing me any good.... I can't decide whether it really is therapeutic for me, or if it's actually self-destructive.... it just reminds me of how I don't have you, and that eventually this will all lead to our final goodbye.... but I know I have to just suck it up and do this for you....

this has made me think of that time when I was in his shoes and you were figuring things out for yourself.... is this what you went through in the early stages of us?.... are you having the same thoughts and feelings as you did back then for what's his muthereffen face?.... the old me would have been wounded by the thought, but I'm different now.... I would hate to think that I have forced an innocent bystander into the same position that I hated being in.... I hope this is not the same thing.... but don't worry, I'm no junior.... I still know what's right and what's wrong....

I know this feels a little bit wrong.... but f*ck me, it feels so right.... "it's the sanest and most comfortable feeling at the moment".... and I want the moment to last forever.... I'm confused, all I wanted was to find my peace.... now I'm in even more turmoil than when I began.... and like you said, we're not going to finish this in one sitting.... but finish is the operative word that I dread.... we both know how things finished the last time.... not that part of it, but the part where you chose me, the new guy and got rid of the old guy.... but this time 'round, I'm the old guy....

take your time though.... but not too long that it destroys me.... but maybe that's what I need to happen in order to get over you.... in the meantime, like I said before.... I'll take what I can have of you for as long as I can have it.... and I'll enjoy it, and endure it at the same time....

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POSTED IN: POUR TOI