Wednesday, December 30, 2009

i'm on fire for you, clearly

there's not a whole lot that makes me happy anymore.... but this morning was an exception.... I haven't woken up this happy in a long long time.... I realize now it wasn't a game you were playing.... you were just fighting yourself.... there was something you could not bring yourself to tell me and so you avoided the answer all together, trying to tell me in other ways.... deep down you know "let's chat" was not so much for my benefit as it was for you.... but you have someone to protect aside from your own ego, and I'm sorry to have placed you in this position.... I used to be that guy once upon a time if you remember, so I wouldn't wish it on anybody....

I knew I should have trusted my gut feeling about you.... I have always known your heart, no matter how much you fight it.... it belongs to me, as mine has always belonged to you.... if we are going to move on from each other we need to work on it together.... as much as I want to keep you for myself, I know how many obstacles we would first have to hurdle.... I have to let you go so you can find your happiness sooner rather than later.... as long as he makes you happy, then I'll be happy.... of course that's not entirely true, but you'll never hear it from me....

there are three words you're not going to hear from me as well.... but I know you know how much I want to say them.... let me just stand on this, my personal platform and sing it in my silent song.... like I told you, catharsis is good.... I don't care if others peer into my cathartic exercises to find that this fool has loved and lost, because I am the better for it.... I am better because of you....

I think those same three words are there, welling up inside your chest too.... but I don't expect them to reach your vocal chords.... I'm here to help you release the tension in more appropriate ways... I'm still not sure what we are doing.... but it sure feels nice, so can we just enjoy it for a little bit longer?.... I'll take what I can have of you for as long as I can have it....

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