Sunday, December 20, 2009

"i will always be right here" she said

you know, you're right.... you've always been there.... I've tried so many times to say goodbye.... but no matter what I do, and no matter the length of time that passes, you're always right there.... even throwing away all traces of you was futile.... there are odd stragglers that remain and they pop out of nowhere, when I least expect it.... you wrote me a song.... I found it.... who does that?!.... I don't know any woman who writes their man a song.... but you did.... I was so lucky to have had you, but you've ruined me for all others....

I long to hear you sing to me again.......

I cannot escape you.... your story has been inextricably written into my own.... from once upon a time, when an annoying little bossy brat of a girl had a secret crush on this geeky nerd of a boy (don't deny it).... to that moment of magic in the cottage that I initially tried to deny....

I cannot deny you now.... you're in everything I see.... I see you in everything.... when I look down at the dorsum of my foot, I see a scar.... a sharp coral gave it to me while I was diving in the deep and peaceful blue of the Philippine sea, trying to drown out the truth that I had lost you.... now I cannot escape that scar.... when I look at it, I also see the scar on the dorsum of your foot.... the scar from the cut that I sutured for you in the emergency room.... it's my mark on you.... has it faded, or do you just ignore it?.... no matter, it's still nothing compared to the mark you have stitched into my soul....

I wish I could escape from you with the ease with which you have escaped from me.... but I can't.... so I'll stop trying to escape you.... I'll just be here... singing my silent songs.... until I can escape my self.

until then, sing to me as I remember you.......


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