Tuesday, December 29, 2009

"let's chat" she said

F*ck me!... I knew I should never have opened up that box.... it was, afterall, labeled "PANDORA"!.... I should have known better.... I'm seriously effed up now.... if only you weren't so damn fine....

Who will believe my verse in time to come,
If it were fill'd with your most high deserts?
Though yet heaven knows it is but as a tomb
Which hides your life, and shows not half your parts.
If I could write the beauty of your eyes,
And in fresh numbers number all your graces,
The age to come would say 'This poet lies;
Such heavenly touches ne'er touch'd earthly faces.'

from Sonnet 17
William Shakespeare

what am I doing anyway?.... all I know is that it feels nice to hear from you once and a while again.... in fact it feels too good.... I suffer from withdrawal when my inbox lies empty.... I really should know better, but I just can't help it....

I'm not really sure what game it is you're playing, but I'll play along for a while.... until I get sick of it.... we're both too fuckin' old for games.... I asked you for one simple thing.... to know that you're happy so I can move on.... maybe you think you're helping me through my shit by all this.... so I'd stop looking over my shoulder like you said.... you've actually made it worse.... sure, I'm not looking over my shoulder anymore.... the problem is that I've stopped in my tracks, did a 180 and am looking back, right at you....

it's probably all good.... my memory and my feelings for you have been perfectly preserved in the vacuum of my mind for too long.... I need to return them to the entropy of reality.... I'm hoping that the likely endpoint can be staved off for just a little longer.... I've been enjoying my little bubble.... but I guess all bubbles eventually burst....